Friday, November 17, 200611/17/2006 12:12:00 AM
When I knew what the heck was depression, life turned 180 degrees on me.
In the past, i was very cheerful, nth could bump me outta my sunshine, when i'm saddened, it'll only last for a while then i'll be cheerful again. No matter what happens, no matter who bully me, I'll still be happy.
So much for THAT life of mine.
NOW, I can't seem to bounce back as often, when i do bounce back, i'll relaspe into depression again. Yeah, prob due to the fact that I am srsly affected by my environment and now due to school, and my life.
Yes, what my care person said was true, I lead a sad life.......so much so for a loner who's the only kiddo in the whole family.That's not all, i scare my family when i relaspe, mostly my emotions take over my mind. I tend to snap at people, get angry over a small thing, and when that's over the limits....BAM!
When the limit seal is broken, out come the evil side of me. I'll be fury incarnate, consuming anything in its path...that's where i inflicted wounds on myself.
-Recalling-
*few weeks after prelims* That's the first emotional outbreak i had....when i passed only my eng and chinese...prob i was saddened and upset with myself..and was brooding over it all day and my uncle asked for my prelim results....of course who would have the right mind to show when u only have TWO miserable passes? D: Yeah, and then that's where it all started. I clenched my fist while he ranted on, mind turning blank and as i look at my box fan and my fist....my mind shuts down, and my evil side emerge. My fist went through the box fan, shattering the afternoon silence....I then force my arm to tear the fan in a circular motion with the fan blades moving at high speed...blood splattered everywhere. I then proceed to 'dig' out the 'heart' of the fan and when i plucked it out, more blood came out, i then smash the body onto the floor and stomped on it, causing EVEN more blood to appear from my soles. Then it was that tragic day that began my path to depression and self torment.
Recently i tried all new methods of self torment:-smashing fist into wall, cupboards, and now...i had to DO smth which some consider sadistic.....using my crystal cross and making cuts appearing on my arm.
OMG someone please save me from the darkness and restore to who i am in the past. Onegaishimasu. *begs* T_______________________________________________T